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a-z mental health : anger management
 
 
 
 
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  Anger management: strategies for controlling your anger  
 
Relaxation
Cognitive restructuring
Problem solving
Better communication
Using humour
Changing your environment
 
     
  Cognitive Restructuring  
  Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more reasonable ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, 'Oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined,' tell yourself, 'It's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow.'  
     
  Be careful of words like 'never' or 'always' when talking about yourself or someone else. 'This machine never works,' or 'You're always forgetting things' are not just inaccurate; they also tend to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.  
     
  For example, suppose you have a friend who is constantly late when you have made plans to meet. Don't go on the attack; think instead about the goal you want to accomplish--getting you and your friend there at about the same time. Avoid saying things like, 'You're always late! You're the most irresponsible, inconsiderate person I’ve ever met!' The only goal that accomplishes is hurting and angering your friend.  
     
  State what the problem is, and try to find a solution that works for both of you; or take matters into your own hands. For example, you might set your meeting time a half-hour early, so that your friend will, in fact, get there on time, even if you have to trick him or her into doing it! Either way, the problem is solved and the friendship isn't damaged.  
     
  Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is not 'out to get you,' you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective.  
     
  Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them; but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature, and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying 'I would like' something is healthier than saying 'I demand' or 'I must have' something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions--frustration, disappointment, hurt--but not anger. Some angry people use their anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away.  
     
  For professional assistance with anger management please call Wellnet on 084 944 9444 and a consultant will refer you to a counselor in your area.