Angry people tend to jump to--and
act on--conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be pretty
wild. The first thing to do if you are in a heated discussion
is to slow down and think your responses through. Don't say
the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and
think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time,
listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take
your time before answering.
Listen, too, to what underlies
the anger. For instance, suppose you like a certain amount of
freedom and personal space, and your 'significant other' wants
more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining
about your activities, don't retaliate by painting you partner
as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck.
It's natural to get defensive when
you're criticized, but don't fight back; instead, listen to
what lies beneath the words. Perhaps the message is that this
person feels neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient
questioning on your part to uncover this, and it may require
some breathing space, but don't let your anger-or a partner's-make
a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep
the situation from becoming disastrous.
For professional assistance
with anger management please call Wellnet on 084 944 9444 and
a consultant will refer you to a counselor in your area.
